Saturday, June 18, 2011

Is anybody really out there?

I can remember when we got our first telephone. Only Mom and Dad were allowed to use it: it was a utility, not a toy. Dad worked for the railroad and a mysterious person called "The Caller" would phone and tell him what train he was scheduled to work on (nowadays we'd call him a dispatcher). These calls were important because if Dad missed one, The Caller would go to the next person on the list and Dad would forfeit a day's wages.

Mom waged a constant vigil on the neighbors who shared our party line. If she thought they were tying up the line too long she would ask them politely to hang up so Dad could get the call he was expecting. Most of the time they cooperated because they knew they might have an emergency and need the same favor themselves.

What really made her mad was when she caught someone listening in on a conversation. You could tell by the "click" when a person picked up and if they didn't hang up as soon as they realized someone else was on the line she would make some comment to let them know that she knew they were there. This didn't always work and she would fume about "people who don't have anything better to do." Of course, at that time television was just an idea in someone's head.

Even as teenagers, when Dad had moved up to a supervisory position and pretty much knew what his schedule was going to be like, we didn't spend hours on the phone. We made arrangements to meet at someone's house or at the pizza parlor or soda shop and did our talking there.

As a young mother, the telephone became a link that no doubt saved my sanity. I could call friends who were similarly housebound with infants and toddlers and have conversations that didn't include "Spit that out--now!" or "Please stop banging your brother on the head with his bottle."

When our sons reached adulthood and migrated like so many radarless geese to three different states to raise their own families, the telephone became a necessary link because -- let's face facts -- the generation after mine does not write letters. But we called to transmit information, not just to chat. Long distance calls cost money and we watched the minutes carefully.

All this has changed in a breathtakingly few years. Everyone has a cellphone. I am no longer startled by a person walking down the street apparently talking to himself. I just assume he has a phone attached to his ear.

People can text on their phones and send e-mails. There is no lack of a way to communicate-- just pick one.

What amazes me is that people (including myself) are no longer satisfied with communicating with friends and relatives. Now we reach out to everyone on the planet and beyond with our Web pages, blogs and tweets. I have discovered so many interesting, informative and humorous blogs that I could spend my day just reading them.

The reverse side of this observation is that when I blog or tweet or update my Website, I have to wonder if anyone is really paying attention. Of course, friends make comments on occasion, but mostly I have no idea if anyone has seen my posts. But I can't be certain, and that, as someone famously said, "is the rub." So I am careful of what I post because I don't want some rash statement to come back to haunt me.

Alas, some people aren't careful at all, as we have learned. The Internet is like a vast party line and you'd better watch not just what what you say but the photos you send out there to the ether because nowadays nothing is private. Yes, someone really is out there. And they are listening in.


  1. Hi Sandy, I've seen this post and really liked it.


  2. I know what you mean. Most of the time, it seems like our online posts, and sometimes, identities, are like that tree falling in the forest when there's nobody there to hear it. But you can never be sure. The best way to find out is to post something wildly inappropriate as a test--or maybe not :)

  3. Some people do post test or photos that are wildly inappropriate and then are surprised when someone like their boss sees them.

  4. So very true.
    You try to be careful, but it's like having safe sex. The only way to know for sure, is to remain celibate.I don't know many writers that remain social media virgins. Tough to do.

  5. Always assume someone will read. Even a post that gets no comments, if you check your stat tab, will reveal how many hits you received. Surprise! Also as authors we're told to "link" everything so there's a thread to follow and we get ourselves "known." If we post something irreverent or demeaning, we attract followers we don't want. Once it's in cyber space, it can never be retrieved. We don't want to develop an unsavory "cyber reputation." Thanks Sandy. By the way, I remember party lines, too.

  6. Hi Sandy,

    Yes, I remember party lines, even in Brooklyn. I also remember the excitement when my Mother would let me call my grandmother by myself. I still remember her phone number.

    I marvel at communication today. Our family is a close one and when our son went away to college he stayed close and called to check in all the time. Usually it was a quick call in between classes. My girls call on their way home from work. It's like being in the car with them (they use handsfree).

    You hit the nail on the head with people listening in unannounced. I agree with Joelene. You MUST not say or post anything you don't wan the entire world to know. Senator Weiner (NY) is the latest casualty.

    Thank you for this post. I enjoyed the nostalgia and the good common sense.

  7. So true, Sandy. We can't be careful enough when it comes to what we put out there for what we think are a select few. I don't trust the security settings on facebook/twitter, so I don't put anything on there I'd consider private or not for public consumption. I think it's a good rule to live by both on a personel level and as an author.

  8. I laughed at the partyline listeners. I was one. I was abut 9 or 10 and this one young couple (high school) would get on the phone and tie it up for hours. So I would go to cal my friends to meet and play and there was this couple. They would catch me and hang up but I got something to tell my friends about when we met up! I was glad that the couple never knew who I was in our tiny town even though I new who they were.

    But so true bout being careful what we put out there for the word to see. Not only is it not private, but it never goes away.